can’t they just stay little forever?

how badly i wish the answer to this very question was, yes.  i find myself thinking where did the time go?  it’s a mere blink of an eye and my sweet hudson will be 4 in january and my baby becks is already 16 months.  don’t get me wrong i love watching them grow and learn.  seeing them develop into such sweet, bright, well mannered little boys is any parents dream.  but, lets face it…our babies growing up is the ultimate bitter sweet!

hudson is off to JK next year and will be gone all day every day and i would be lying if i said i hadn’t shed a couple tears over this.  i’m very excited for him to start the next adventure in his life, but selfishly i am going to miss him like crazy.  yes, i am a normal mom and am somewhat looking forward to a little more ‘me’ time, but to be brutally honest i am going to miss my wing man immensely.  over the past month i have had these re-occurring nightmares where hudson is drowning.  i know it sounds awful and believe me, they are.  i wake up in a pure panic and sigh a sigh of relief when i realize it was only a dream and he is sound asleep in the room next door.  i’ve done some research, spoken with my mom and have read that dreams where you see your child drown/drowning is a symbol of your fear of not being able to protect your kids.  now that hudson is growing up and becoming more and more independent i can begin to see he is going to be out in the world on his own (school, sports, etc.) in the very near future.  i won’t have the ability to protect him from everything.  it’s these fears and thoughts that i believe are giving me these horrific nightmares.  how i wish they would stop because these visions are truly a parents worse nightmare. 

i know they can’t stay little forever and i know my job as a mom never ends.  it is a job that lasts a lifetime, but as they grow our jobs change and alter to meet each stage of their development.  they start to need us in different ways.  it’s not a negative thing, just something that is going to take me a little getting used to.  my job is to be a stay at home mom.  i do my very best to meet everyone’s needs my kids, my hubbies’, the household, and lets not forget myself (last, of course!)  it is truly a full-time job if you dedicate yourself to your job.  my mentality is to give my job my all.  do all i can to give my kids all the comfort, support, and love i can while i have them here with me.  before i, or any of us, know it…they will be all grown up.  at school all day and only coming home for food and a place to sleep.  our little companions become more like someone renting a room in our house.  

all i can say is don’t take any moment for granted.  don’t wish for your kids to grow up.  they will grow up, faster than any of us can imagine and when they do we will all wonder what happened?  where all that time went?  we will then ask ourselves…did we appreciate the time we had with our little ones.  this truly will be the best time of our lives.  i know it’s hard, hard work!  i know first hand as i do it every day. but, i don’t want to look back and have any regrets.  i want to know that i did my very best to parent my kids.  that i appreciated them always and that i reminded myself daily how truly lucky i am to have the most amazing husband and the 2 best boys on the planet.  how did i get so blessed??  i’ll never know, but i do know that i am thankful for it and always will be!

embrace parenting as it’s our greatest gift! 

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