Have you ever thought about what kind of parent you are? Are you a helicopter parent or a snowplow parent? Raising kids is no easy feat. It’s not for the light hearted or whimps. It takes strength, courage, bravery, time, patience and unconditional love, it’s the real deal. But, raising kids is nothing like it used to be. With the added pressure of society to be the absolute best at everything, to not make mistakes and looking for perfection, it’s hard. Really hard. Not to mention how technology interferes with parents trying to raise kids inside their values as technology pushes against them by putting huge outside pressures on kids.
Parents feel like they’re losing control
With the world we live in it’s easy to start to feel out of control or powerless as parents. Clients come to me daily frustrated that their kids have no respect, won’t listen, back talk and won’t do anything they ask them to do. They’ve tried everything and nothing works. As parents lose control and feel their kids slipping out from under them, they go into overdrive trying to overcompensate for what feels like a tightening, overstretched rubber band. Desperately trying to bring the tension back in to a place where they can enjoy their kids and daily parenting. To stop feeling like a ‘bad’ parent and avoid all that guilt.
Overcompensating can make things worse
As parents kick into overdrive they usually get more angry and frustrated. Therefore, they yell, nag, remind and repeat themselves more. This actually causes your kids to listen less and rebel more. You’re left running frantically around and around that ever spinning hamster wheel getting nowhere fast. As you continue to run the loop, your kids keep rebelling as they wait for you to make a shift. Your kids need you to guide, teach and support them, but if you’re losing control and your bond with your kids is weakening, it’s really hard to feel like you can reign it all back in. As matters get worse you end up acting like a helicopter or a snowplow.
Are you a helicopter or a snowplow parent
Helicopter parents have been hovering for years. This type of parenting isn’t new, but it’s still very common. As parents hover around their kids trying to avoid any bump, bruise, hardship or disappointment. Robbing your kids of every opportunity to make mistakes and learn. To learn how to fail and get back up. In short your child never has the chance to learn how to be resilient. Without you around to protect them and keep them in their bubble they are lost. They forever need you to be there hovering in order to survive. Lacking self confidence and life skills to advocate for themselves or to keep trying when the going gets tough.
Think about your toddler are you or were you afraid to let them fall when learning to walk or nervous to let them bump to the ground at the bottom of the slide? Are you always there to catch them? As they grow are you afraid for them to not do their homework or forget their lunch so you hover around and remind them constantly or do it for them?
Do you hover like a helicopter or are you a snowplow?
The other type of parent is the snowplow parent. This is the parent who plows every hurdle or hardship out of the way so their child has a clear and easy path. Doing things for your kids so life can be simple and roadbump free! Not allowing your kids the chance to work hard, learn to fall and get back up, robbing them the opportunity to learn that life isn’t always easy. Conflict will happen, almost daily, and without conflict resolutions skills and time to practice this, they are left floundering when the road is no longer plowed. Do you find yourself trying to make your child’s life perfect and smooth? Think doing their homework for them to make sure it’s done right, or getting to involved in every situation that arises…
Watch this short video where I go into some examples of helicopter and snowplow parents
As parents we need to discipline and not punish. Guide and support not over power. Listen and not yell. Learn to be on your child’s team and not their opponent. This is where you will be able to parent in the most positive and effective way. To help your parent/child relationship strengthen. Would you love to parent this way? I’d love to see you join The Parenting With Purpose Method to help you do all of this and more in just 12 short weeks. To learn more about how you can reach these goals, Book your Parenting Breakthrough Call here
POST IN THE COMMENTS: Do you feel like you’re more of a helicopter or snow plow?