Did you know that your parenting and your kid’s behavior go hand in hand?
To Begin to understand your child’s behavior you need to take a close look at your parenting. As generations pass parenting styles must shift as well. Think back to when you were a kid; no Ipads or traveling technology like cell phones or hand held video games. I can remember sitting at the kitchen table playing on our Commodore 64 computer. A huge block of machinery, but we loved it just the same!
What I mean about generations changing is that our parenting needs to shift to handle the new hurdles. Today kids are growing up faster than ever and are fighting for more independence in this big scary world. It’s not as easy to send your kids outside to play alone and give them the independence they’re desperately fighting for. Parenting is tougher than ever in today’s world and in order to ease this challenge we have to make shifts in our parenting approach to help cope with our changing world and continue to build connections with your kids.
What’s your current parenting approach?
When you think about the things that frustrate you the most about parenting, what are they? Is it when your kids refuse to listen even though you’ve asked them 92 times to brush their teeth. Or do you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs because your kids won’t take “no” for an answer. Maybe you feel you’ve lost all control and your kids are the ones running the show?
I can think about the times that I’ve been most annoyed or frustrated by parenting and I hate to tell you this, but those moments were actually caused by my parenting. When you take time to fill your parenting toolbox with parenting tools that help your child feel and do their best, you solve a lot of your own frustrations. Let’s dive into this further to help you understand how this works.
How Parenting Styles Can Affect Your Child’s Behavior
No one wants to hear that something is their fault or that they’re doing something wrong. I am definitely not here to tell you either of these things, but I do want to be honest with you. If I beat around the bush or try to sugar coat things, I would be doing you a disservice.
My job as a parenting coach is to coach you through your parenting journey to help make things easier and more enjoyable. In order for me to do this for you, I have to be honest. So, the truth of the matter is; your parenting style or approach directly reflects in your child’s behavior. BAM! I said it and I’m sorry if you’re wishing you could jump through your device and strangle me!
3 Different Parenting Approaches
Let’s look at the 3 different parenting approaches so you can begin to define which style best fits your current parenting. Using the classic case of kids wanting a treat at the grocery store you’ll be able to easily see the difference between the three approaches.
Grocery Store Scenario:
You’re shopping with your kids after a long day and they are begging for a treat. You’ve said no, but they just won’t let it go. The begging becomes whining, the whining becomes crying, and before you know it, the crying becomes a full-blown tantrum. As a parent you respond with:
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Authoritarian
“NO because I’m the boss and I said so”
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Permissive
“No, no, no, okay fine…yes
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Positive Discipline
“We’ve already discussed that there won’t be any treats today. Either you stop asking or next time there won’t be an opportunity for a treat.”
Do you see the difference when we begin to break it down?
Can you see how your kid might behave differently based on the various approaches?
3 Tips To Shift Towards Positive Discipline
To help shift your parenting approach towards a positive discipline style it will take time and patience. Your parenting shift won’t happen overnight, but if you take it one step at a time you will see your child’s behavior shift for the better! Here are 3 tips to help you start making a shift…
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TIP 1: Learn to meet emotional needs
Think about your kids walking around every day with two invisible red buckets above their heads. These buckets represent their emotional needs. One bucket is “power” and the other is “attention.” If you can learn to proactively fill up these buckets daily, negative behavior will decrease.
The reason for this is because your kids will work to fill up their buckets if you don’t and the only way they know how to do this is through negative behavior. This is where you end up getting more annoyed and frustrated as a parent. If we revisit the grocery store scenario, you will see that by filling up power and attention buckets you’re kids are not as likely to seek attention or power over a treat in the store. They will have had their buckets filled and won’t feel the need to fill them through negative behavior.
Golden Time is my #1 parenting tool, which will help meet emotional needs and fill up your child’s bucket in just 10 minutes! Grab the full Golden Time module to find out the 5 ingredients to this magical formula, tips to fit it into your busy schedule, along with a list of Golden Time activities!
Clients of mine love Golden Time and can’t live without it!
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TIP 2: Develop a democratic household
Positive Discipline parenting is a very democratic parenting approach. This doesn’t mean your kids are now able to get away with everything. It means your kids will now have a choice to do what you’ve set up in advance or they will have to deal with the fair, proper consequences that are set in place. When you set up your expectations in advance, you are treating your kids with mutual respect. Giving them a chance to make a choice that they’re prepared live with.
Let’s look back to the grocery store example. Here, with a Positive Discipline approach, you will see that your kids have the chance to either stop asking for a treat that you’d already discussed they wouldn’t be getting on this particular day, or they will miss out on a treat the next time you come. Your kids are given the choice and it’s your job to follow through based on the choice they make.
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TIP 3: Create a household full of choice
Choices give power in a positive way and help fill up power buckets. Offer Proactive Choices throughout the day to help your kids feel more in control. The more in control they feel about their day and their world, the less they need to act out to try and grasp more power in negative ways. Choices can be as simple as:
“Do you want the blue or pink cup?”
“Would you like to have a shower or a bath?”
“Where would you like to do your homework? At the kitchen table or in your room?”
With choices, your kids are given power to choose, but in the end they are still doing what you need them to do. In the above choices, they are still drinking, cleaning themselves and getting their homework done, but it’s happening under their terms. Do you see how that works?
Habits Take 21 Days
It can take up to 21 days to break old habits and create new ones, so go easy on yourself. Mistakes will be your ticket to success! Don’t worry about messing up or doing something wrong. When you make these mistakes you will finally be making a shift in the right direction. Positive Discipline parenting makes for an easy and enjoyable parenting experience. You’re on your way starting right now.
One Step, One day, One Change
Golden Time is your first step towards a more positive parenting experience. You will finally be able to enjoy the moments you have with your kids and say goodbye to regrets and guilt. Deepen your parent-child connection, fill up those buckets and avoid misbehavior. Life is busy, but if you can take 10 minutes to do Golden Time daily, you will save so many more minutes dealing with negative issues!
Please share your Golden Time stories in the comments! What activities do you love to do together during Golden Time and how has this tool changed your parenting experience?