Hi Everyone! Sorry I dropped the ball and didn’t get your weekly parenting tools sent last week. I was on the West Coast visiting my family and sometimes, as you all know, family just has to come first! But..I am back and here to chat with you today about what it takes to raise independent, well-mannered kids. This article is jam packed with info for you to take and start using today! Lets get into it…
How To Raise Independent Well-Mannered Kids
To begin, I wish I could tell you that there was an easy magical tool you could use to help raise independent well-mannered kids. This would make parenting much easier, but unfortunately a magic pill or potion doesn’t exist. There is no one single quick fix, but there are things YOU CAN DO. The truth about parenting is that it’s a constant work in progress.
Parenting is a combination of:
- High Expectations
- Positive Discipline
- Positive Role Modeling
- Consistency
- Follow through
- Lots of love each and every day.
The combination of these key components, make up one very important term – DISCIPLINE.
Discipline means to teach and to train.
To begin, let’s chat about what discipline means. The term, “discipline” often gets a bad rap and has a negative connotation in the minds of parents. People have this view of discipline where they feel it means yelling and punishing. I am here to tell you that discipline and punishment are two entirely different things.
Punishment VS Discipline
Discipline is NOT punishment. They are two entirely different parenting approaches. Discipline will give lasting effects and teach positive life lessons. Punishment on the other hand will give you the illusion that the problem has been fixed, but WILL re-occur in the future.
Punishment – Where you create unfair consequences to show your kids that you are in charge and can over-power them. When punishing, you assert yourself on your kids in a mental, verbal or physical manner, causing them to feel blame, shame or pain. Forms of punishment can be yelling, physically hurting or emotionally berating your kids. Read here for tips on how to stop yelling at your kids.
Discipline – is NONE OF THIS. It simply means to teach and train. Discipline is where you teach your kids life lessons through positive and effective tools. You are there to support your kids, not isolate them.
Kids Need Discipline Like They Need Water
Just like water our kids NEED discipline! Basic needs such as water, food, sleep and shelter are required. These are the basic needs of life and discipline goes right along with these in order for our kids to become their personal best. Kids need discipline so we can teach them right from wrong. Discipline is our way to demonstrate proper manners. Our children are begging us to have high expectations so they can become their best possible selves. Constantly relying on us to be there for them to support, guide and role model through tough times. Wanting to feel loved and nurtured by you, not scared or frightened.
Parenting Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint
In order to discipline our kids properly it’s a constant work in progress. It won’t happen overnight and unfortunately it doesn’t really have an end. The good news is, the more consistent you are and the earlier you begin, the easier it becomes.
I recently had a client ask me if the training ever stopped? She happened to be smack dab in the midst of teaching her 17 month old to transition from two naps to one. She said it was exhausting and couldn’t wait for it to be over.
I gently tried to give her a little insight into the crystal ball of what was to come with parenting. I told her when this phase is over you will need to teach and train another phase. Remember that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s best done slowly and calmly.
Just as it’s easier to manage being on calm waters rather than rough, loud, quick waves. Parent with ease to help you and your kids.
Teach, Train And Follow Through
As our kids grow, they are constantly transitioning through developmental stages. Looking for more ways to be independent. Flowing out of old routines and jumping into new ones. All of these milestones require discipline from you, the parents. We must set the stage, teach, train, and follow through each and every time. All of these steps need to be completed each and every time with consistency. It’s here that our kids learn what we say as parents has meaning. They learn to respect and trust you as boundaries are established. Through positive discipline your kids will learn how to be successful.
Set Your Kids Up For Success
We as parents strive to set our kids up for success. How we do this is by constantly being there to teach and train. Using Positive Discipline tools will help you achieve these goals. With consistency, we help our kids develop wings. Little by little you learn to let their wings open by allowing them moments to be independent. You will become confident to back off and give them space to let their wings grow and spread. You and your kids will know you’ve taught them the necessary. Hopefully one day they will be prepared to spread their wings wide and soar all on their own as successful, independent adults!
In conclusion, parent non-stop with love, expectations, positive discipline, consistency and follow through. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish – all without the battle!
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