Reaction Free Parenting
Why is it that when our kids do something, our first reaction is to react? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to parent reaction free? Our reactions and our kids behaviours go hand in hand. We can’t control our kids and force them to behave, but we can control ourselves. We can learn to control our reactions and in turn get our kids to cooperate more. Today we are going to discuss just this. You will gain insight and tools on how you can start Reaction Free Parenting in your home!
What Happens To Our Kids When We React?
When we react to our kids whether it’s in a positive or negative manner, they learn that the particular behaviour works. Often times when you react to negative behaviours you teach them to continue that behaviour or to repeat that behaviour again in the future. The reason this is, is because kids will only do what works for them. It’s important to remember this so that next time your child is whining and crying for whatever reason, you won’t react. When you react they will cry more, cry louder, and cry longer. It’s a vicious cycle and one that only gets worse each time the reaction occurs.
What To Do When Your Kids Misbehave
Don’t react! Easier said then done, I know, but it’s the key to stopping unwanted behaviours for the long haul. Considering that kids will only do what works for them, if we don’t react, they don’t get confirmation from us. As soon as they don’t see us reacting and they realize that they are not getting attention for their negative behaviour, they will learn to stop that behaviour and at a much faster rate. You will notice tantrums and meltdowns getting shorter and less frequent. You will get lasting results if you use reaction free parenting.
What Does Reaction Free Parenting Look Like?
Let’s look at an example: when your child starts up with an undesired behaviour, the best thing you can do is to CALMLY, state to them “When you are finished, I will be happy to chat with you.” Then calmly WALK AWAY! There is no need to sit around and watch the show. You didn’t buy tickets to that show, so you don’t need to be there. If you stick around and give your child an audience during their tantrum or meltdown, they will without a doubt, cry longer, harder and louder. By watching them, you are giving them a reason to continue and in turn, teaching them that the behaviour choice works. By walking away, you are telling them that the particular behaviour is not acceptable and that once they are finished you will be with them again. You are showing your kids that you have boundaries in a positive way and not letting them run the roost. Read here to learn the Top 5 Parenting Mistakes That Put Your Kids In Charge.
Reaction Free Parenting Is Not Punishment
Reaction free parenting is a positive parenting tool for you to use and remember as situations arise. It’s one of many tools to help you during those frustrating and hair pulling times. When you feel like you want to blow your lid and react…don’t! Try taking a deep breath or two. Calmly and matter of factly state that “I will be happy to chat with you once you are finished.” Then WALK AWAY.
Don’t react and you will get a better reaction from your kids. This tool will work in numerous situations and before long you will be living reaction free parenting. Once you begin using this tool, you will see how easy and effective it can be!
Don’t teach your kids to continue unwanted behaviours by reacting. Instead stop reacting and get what you want – parenting with less battle and more joy!
For more information and to work with me one-on-one or in small groups Let’s Start Talking!