It’s fairly typical and a bit of pure human nature to shove things to the side and simply ‘worry about it later.’ We all have the tendency to procrastinate to some degree. To take the easy way out in order to get the job done. To do whatever it takes to get what we want, even if it’s not the best solution.
Sometimes, we as parents, do the above more then we would like. Sometimes we get into such a rut that we find ourselves struggling to dig our way out. Sometimes we get stuck going round and round the hamster wheel and feel as though we have no way to get off. It’s the constant yelling and reminding. It’s going from one power struggle session to the next. It’s giving in just to get the misbehaviour to stop. This is what I call parenting with a band-aid! Quick, short-term fixes, to get the behaviour to stop before we pull our hair out. Once we put on that band-aid
Examples:
giving the screaming child the candy at the grocery store even though you said no 100 times.
At bedtime, reading one more story, giving one more kiss goodnight, going in for one more drink of water, even though you said ‘I’m not coming back in because it’s bedtime.’
Once we apply these so-called ‘band-aids’, it starts the crazy, rapid spin of the hamster wheel. Our feet can’t move fast enough to please our kids. We can’t get around in enough time before the dreaded misbehaviour returns. This type of parenting cycle can be exhausting to say the least. What we wouldn’t give to hop off, catch our breath and take sip of cold water. What we wouldn’t give to know that the misbehaviour that just occurred won’t be back in the near future. What can we do to accomplish these things?
Well….I am here to offer you some reassurance that YOU CAN jump off that spinning wheel and YOU CAN stop all the dizzy insanity. YOU CAN create a relationship with your child where they know that ‘NO means NO.’ Where they know that what you say goes and you mean it. This type of relationship and parenting style is known as Positive Discipline. It’s parenting along side your kids with respect, but you are the parent. You have the final say, as long as you are treating your child and yourself with respect.
Getting to this point, if you’re currently running the wheel, will take some time and commitment. But, if you are willing to be consistent and put in the time, I promise you will see positive results. There are many tools that I offer parents as I coach them through their parenting struggles. These tools, when implemented and committed to, will allow you the opportunity to create a parent-child relationship where you can enjoy your kids. They grow up so fast and in a blink of an eye they will be packing up their childhood bedrooms for University. Whether we want that day to come or not, it will. If you’re saying to yourself ‘that day can’t come fast enough,’ then lets get you started in making a change. Lets get you loving the limited time you have with your kids. Trust me, some front-loaded work will make the back end much more enjoyable and be smooth sailing compared to that hamster wheel your sprinting on currently. It’s those band-aid fixes that cause the misbehaviours to repeat themselves over and over again until you just can’t stand it anymore.
One tool that makes life with your kids easier and creates a much smoother day, is ROUTINES! Click the link to read more about how to set up charts in your home in this article I wrote for Dr. Dina, a pediatrician at Mt. Sinai Hospital, Charts for Kids – A Child’s Best Friend. Routines and charts help you set-up success opportunities for your kids throughout their day. Although this chart success may seem minimal, but it actually contributes to their development of life long skills and coping mechanisms. These tasks and responsibilities help your child grow into a responsible and independent adult. An adult who has skills to tackle what life throws at them. Kids who aren’t given opportunities to become self-sufficient have a hard time dealing in the real world once they are off on their own. The former Dean of Stanford writes an eye-opening article about helicopter parenting. About the repercussions it has on kids when parents give their children everything they want. When parents haven’t let their kids fail and learn from mistakes. When parents do everything for their kids and don’t give them chances to be independent. This type of parenting can have a major negative impact on their ability to cope with life’s challenges. How Helicopter Parenting Could Be Ruining A Generation of Children.
Setting up routines and charts is a huge step in the right direction for setting your child up for success. Take the time to read about how to create these routines in your home and please contact me if you have questions.
Take a leap of faith and hop off that wheel. Plant your feet on the ground and start today, teaching your child life skills for tomorrow!