Today we are going to break down how simple communication shifts can help encourage cooperation and listening! An easy way to stop the power struggles and the never-ending “no, no, no!”
A simple shift in language can encourage cooperation
The hardest thing about parenting is understanding that you’re not supposed to have it all figured out. Parenting is not intuitive, it’s a learned skill. One that can be mastered by all if they commit to taking the time to learn these skills.
Without the skills we tend to raise our kids with strategies we were raised with or piecemeal together the bits and pieces of advice or information we gather along the way. This becomes confusing for you and your kids but also creates inconsistency – in turn creating more unwanted behaviors.
Here the vicious cycle begins!
The only way to end this cycle is to learn the skills to shift your parenting so you can shift your child’s behavior
Let’s do some of that today for you!
Speak to your kids how you want to be spoken to
Mutual respect is key to positive parenting. If you are trying to over power your kids they will push back leaving you exhausted with power struggles.
Let’s talk about the word “No”
Oftentimes parents are not aware of how often we use the word ‘NO.’ Now, there is nothing wrong with using the word ‘no’ but we do want to use the word with intention, otherwise it loses it’s umph! If you stop and think about your day, does it feel like the word No is a common occurrence? We often will go on autopilot and NO just comes out without taking the time to think about what we are saying “no” to or why.
Do you feel like you are saying no all day long which is followed by your kids getting mad, throwing a tantrum or lashing out?
Your child’s ultimate goal is to be seen, heard and understood
In order to help your kids feel seen, heard and understood it’s important to actually listen and hear them. We are often so busy as parents, wearing multiple hats and racing to get to all the things on our list. This causes us to multi-task and ½ way listen when our kids need us. Typically what happens is they ask us something and we “sort of” hear them as we unload groceries, drive to soccer, cook dinner…
We tend to respond on autopilot, without much thought, usually with a quick “no”
For example: “Hey mom can we go to the park?”
Mom or dad: “NO we can’t”
Instead of the quick autopilot ‘No’, try starting with, I hear you would like…
“I hear you would like to go to the park. Let me see when we can make this work.”
Let’s look at another example which multiple clients of mine have actually struggled with..kids wanting ice cream before breakfast!
“Mommy, can I have ice cream for breakfast? Please, please!”
Mom or Dad: “No, of course you can’t have ice cream for breakfast!”
This abrupt no, leaves your child mad, angry, and most likely having a tantrum. Which then makes you angry, frustrated and the power struggle begins! By shifting your language you can help them feel heard without overpowering them and without having to give them ice cream for breakfast.
“I hear you would like some ice cream. We can have some either after lunch or dinner, your choice.”
Shifting language takes practice and consistency
Change takes time, practice and consistency. It takes 66 days to break an old habit and hardwire in a new one. Once you start implementing new strategies give yourself grace and know that mistakes will happen. Pick yourself back up and stick with it! You can and will reach your goals with the right action plan, support and accountability!
ARE YOU READY TO LEARN MORE SIMPLE STRATEGIES? Fill your toolbox inside my 12 Week Coaching Program, The Parenting With Purpose Method