“I feel like a terrible mom. I’m not a present wife. I am not being a good friend and I’m doing my job half-ass.”
Just yesterday I was on Discovery Call with a mother who had hit her wall. She was feeling so down about who she was and she was putting so much pressure on herself. I feel like I’m failing as a parent. Feeling like she couldn’t do anything well. She wasn’t being the mother she hoped or desired to be. There was no time or energy left over to be a good wife. Her job was being done half-ass. As she poured her heart and soul out to me I reassured her that she was not alone. Each and every day parents reach out feeling defeated and down, but there’s a solution!
Do you feel like Gumby, being pulled and stretched too far?
Since Covid-19 parenting has been taken to a whole new level. Your roles went from parent or working parent to full-time cook, cleaner, teacher, entertainer, referee, laundromat and you’re still supposed to be a good partner, employer and take care of yourself – WHAT THE F*%K? REALLY?
How can one single person possibly do all of this?
How can any one person do all of this and do it well?
Here’s the deal, there’s no barometer that rates how well you’re doing. There’s no one judging you at the end of the day telling you that you sucked and didn’t get x, y or z finished. But, I do know that you are your own barometer and your own judge.
Who just happens to be the toughest judge and most critical critique on the planet!
Parents are desperate to feel like they are enough
I know you’re desperate to feel like you’re doing enough as a parent.
Doing the right things as a parent.
Like you’re not messing your kids up!
To stop feeling like you’re failing as a parent.
To feel like you’re not f-ing up your kids with the choices you make. (excuse my french!)
But, the truth be told…
if you love your kids, you’re trying your best and you keep trying to learn, that’s flat out, 100% ENOUGH!
3 tips to help parents not feel like a failure
- Get enough sleep! You and your kids need sleep like nothing else. Without sleep you will feel exhausted, frustrated, foggy, confused, wiped, worn-out and feel like you’re failing when you’re not. Start right now getting your kids to bed earlier, so you can tuck in earlier as well. Even if it’s just a few minutes earlier each night. Take baby steps in the right direction and start catching up on lost zzz’s.
- Learn to walk away. I’m telling you, walking away will feel so much better than screaming at your kids. Yes, screaming in the moment or letting out a big shout when your blood is boiling, feels good in the moment. Your ‘fight or flight’ brain is in high gear and yelling gives you immediate satisfaction, but after you finish you’re left with a big old gut full of GUILT. This guilt overpowers your logical brain and your emotional guilt tells you, “I’m such a bad mom/dad. I can’t do this. Nothing works and I’m a complete failure! I feel like I’m failing as a parent?” Nope, wrong, not true. Just a learning moment where you let your guilt get the most of you. Learn from your mistakes and next time try your best to walk away before you open your mouth and yell, give empty threats or say something you regret.
- Write down one thing each day you felt went well. I don’t care how big or small. Maybe you and your child had an amazing snuggle and book time before bed. You were able to connect during a board game. You kindly asked your child to brush their teeth instead of harping them. Or maybe you were able to hold your tongue and walk away before you unleashed the beast. I don’t care what you write down, but you need to write something down. Find a notebook or piece of paper. Each night before bed, take one minute to stop, think, reflect and write down one thing you felt went well. I know there’s something!
You are enough
You are enough. You’re not supposed to be perfect. You don’t need to have it all figured out. Parenting is a learned skill and it takes time to drill these new skills home. Stop beating yourself up and learn to let it go. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. Just reading this post is you growing, learning and moving in the right direction. Stress free, guilt free and regret free parenting can be yours for the taking. All you need to do is show up.
Show up for you and show up for your kids. Take one small nugget of parenting advice each week. Follow on Instagram, Facebook, my blog, or heck all three! All I’m suggesting is that you can’t sit around and wait for change to happen. It won’t. It’s up to you to step up to the plate and take time to commit to the quality of your life. Learn the skills needed to cope with child’s behaviors. Take time to understand why behaviors happen. Give yourself the opportunity to feel proud of the parent you are. Gift yourself kids who act respectfully, listen and cooperate. Do all of this by showing up! Commiting to make change.
How to be a better parent
Baby steps my friend. One small change at a time. You will be blown away at how much positive change you can make in just one week with small tweaks to your parenting approach. Stop feeling like a failure, because you’re not.
“I started implementing Golden Time with our 4 year old son two days ago and I have already seen a huge improvement with his behavior. I also started a little chart system, like you recommended for our mornings. He feels super independent and proud doing this! Since having a new baby brother in October, he’s had a lot to deal with and the struggle was real. But since starting Golden Time two days ago, he actually stayed at the table and ate all his dinner without a battle, went to bed no fussing or doddling. It was incredible! I feel like he is back to his old self!” Claire
From feeling like she was failing as a parent, hopeless and lost, Claire was able to make positive shifts, feel better about her parenting, her son and her overall daily parenting with two small changes. Results seen in just two days. So, I am asking you,
What are you waiting for?
Let’s chat about your parenting challenges and what’s making you pull your hair out each day, so you can take small steps to solve your frustrations. Reply to this email or share in the comments what you would love to change about your parenting experience…
I’m here when you’re ready to squash those feelings of feeling like you’re failing as a parent and you’re ready to feel equipped, empowered and ready to take parenting head on! You’ve got this! Grab the bulls by the horn!