Kids don’t listen for a reason
It’s important to fully understand WHY your child refuses to listen or WHY your child doesn’t hear you, before we can move into the how, which are the tactics to resolve this issue. Parents are often desperate for all the how’s ; how to get my kids to listen, how to get my kids to sleep, how to stop sibling rivalry, how to get my kids to sit at the table and eat. But you must first understand the WHATS and the WHYS behind each behavior, before you will have success implementing the hows to fix the issues at hand.
Why don’t kids listen
When your kids don’t listen, I know how exhausting and frustrating this can be. If you are or ever were a yeller or maybe you are working to break your yelling habit, not listening may be one of your triggers. When you’ve asked your kids to do something and you get a blank stare, no response or a flat out refusal, your blood begins to boil and you can probably feel your anger level rising. When your kids don’t listen it’s not easy to take. But I’m going to work to guide you through why your kids don’t listen to help you understand the meaning behind the behavior.
So, Why don’t my kids listen?
The top 10 reasons kids don’t listen
We are going to discuss the top 10 reasons why kids don’t listen. These are in no particular order of importance.
WHY Reason number 1
Kids often don’t listen when they sense or feel a lack of connection. Without a strong connection, kids will often resist. Not listening is one form of resistance. Build a strong connection with your kids in just 10 minutes with my Golden Time Formula.
WHY Reason number 2
Kids don’t listen when they feel overpowered or controlled. If your child feels like you’re always the boss and are constantly telling them what to do, they will dig their heels by ignoring you. HINT: you can’t force them to listen and they know it!
WHY reason number 3
Overtired or over hungry kids. Remember when kids are over tired and/or over hungry, you absolutely cannot have expectations. Expecting them to listen and comply when over tired or over hungry is a waste of your time and energy.
WHY reason number 4
Their brain is overloaded as they develop, grow and process everything they’re learning. Sometimes kids look like they are spacing out, but they’re actually processing and thinking. This can sometimes come across as not listening. This is not done on purpose or to annoy you, it’s just part of their development.
WHY reason number 5
You don’t listen to your kids. If you are constantly ½ ass listening, meaning you are not looking at them when they speak, they are continuously saying, ‘mommy, mommy mommy,’ but you are too busy to listen, then they are learning from you, what listening should look like. If they talk to you, but you don’t hear what they are saying. Your lack of listening is role modeling to them that they don’t need to listen either. It’s also making them feel unimportant which weakens your connection, which we already spoke about as reason number 1 why kids don’t listen.
WHY reasons number 6
You’re a chronic reminder. I want you to remember this quote: “kids who forget have parents who remind.” If you are constantly reminding your kids over and over to do something they will be taught not to listen. There is no reason to listen if they know you will ask them many times over.
WHY reasons number 7
You will end up doing it for them anyways. If you are always there to bail your kids out each time they don’t do what you ask them to do, they will continue to not listen knowing you will fill in the gaps. They have been taught that they don’t need to listen or be responsible for what you’ve asked them to do, because you will end up doing it for them.
WHY reasons number 8
You lack follow through and are the king or queen of empty threats. If you tell your kids that you are going to take x, y or z away if they don’t do something, but then when it’s all said and done you end up giving it to them anyways, you have given them an empty threat. Therefore, you have failed to follow through. This teaches them not to listen to you because you don’t mean what you say and you don’t say what you mean.
WHY reason number 9
You don’t have set boundaries in place. kids are born with 2 pre-determined jobs; one is to please you and the other is to push boundaries until boundaries are found. If you don’t have set boundaries your child will not feel the need to listen because they don’t know what to do to please you. They will continue to not listen as a way to push your limits until you set boundaries.
WHY reason number 10
Not listening is currently working for your child. By not listening it makes you mad, angry, frustrated, causes you to keep nagging and reminding them, which is working for them! They are getting a giant dose of negative power and attention. Remember kids will take any kind of attention they can get so they will continue to not listen as long as it continues to work for them.
So we have discussed the top 10 reasons why kids don’t listen. We have worked through the “whys” behind kids not listening. These “whys” are the root cause of the behavior. The root causes as to why kids don’t listen. Knowing this will help you further understand the meaning behind your child’s lack of listening skills.
I want you to review the 10 why reasons above and think about your daily parenting.
Do all of the reasons pertain to you or your kids? Just a few?
Step one to making change and helping your kids listen more, is to reflect on what’s currently happening in your daily parenting so we can dive into the right changes to get you where you want to go!
Your kids can and will listen. They are just waiting for you to make the change!
IF you are serious about making positive changes to help you and your kids feel better BOOK your free 30 minute Discovery Call.
This call is a way for me to learn more about your challenges and guide you in the direction I feel will give the fastest and best results. Book this call if you are serious about taking the next steps, commiting to the process and ready to learn more about what it would look like to work with me!
Parenting is not intuitive. You have to take time to learn the skills! You can do it, I know you can!