This quote 100% says it all and is 100% true. It’s a statement that may cause some parents to cringe, but this is because they are reading the word discipline and confusing it will punishment. Punishment and discipline ARE NOT the same thing. They actually are polar opposites of one another. Punishment is anything that causes your child to feel blame, shame and/or pain. Punishment is when we try to make our kids feel worse about the situation in hopes to make a change in their behaviour. New flash…this won’t work. This will actually make matters worse and the problem will grow and escalate, not diminish. Discipline on the other hand, is defined as – to teach and train. This is very different from punishment. Discipline is a positive method and does not make our kids feel worse in order for a lesson to be taught. It’s actually a time for you to teach your kids a positive lesson in an effective way, which has long-lasting results. Discipline helps the problem disappear for good and not just for the time being, which punishment happens to do. Punishment may stop the behaviour for the moment, but it will return and usually worse.
Punishment is an old-school parenting approach. It’s probably how most of us were raised and therefore, we are faced with the reality that we need to change the cycle. Easier said then done, I know. The key to making changes is to remember that we need to go at it with a marathon pace and not a race pace. We need to start small and add as we feel ready. Start with one small change and goal. For example, maybe you are a yeller. Don’t feel ashamed or be too hard on yourself, we are human and can’t change the past, but we CAN change the future. To help you make a change, give yourself reminders. Maybe stick post-it notes around the house with a smiley face on them to remind you to breathe and not yell. Tell your kids you’re trying to change and ask for kind reminders if you start to yell. When you do accidentally yell, be sure to own up to your mistakes. Your kids will respect you for admitting to your faults and it will teach them through example that mistakes are okay. Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth.
The quote above states, “Discipline is what you do FOR your child.” This is what we need to remember as parents. Our kids need discipline to learn to be independent, responsible human beings. They don’t need punishment. When we have moments where our kids need teaching, it’s important to have positive solutions available, not punishment. I know right now, some of you may be saying, “but what do you mean? How can I get my kids to understand what I mean if I don’t punish them, yell at them, and teach them a lesson.?” The answer to this is easy. It’s with small changes in your parenting style to help your kids understand and learn in a positive manner. Many of our kids negative behaviours stem from our parenting. Therefore, if you make a commitment to learn about positive solutions to create a positive parenting experience, you and your kids will be thanking you. You won’t regret learning how to discipline in a positive manner and help your kids grow to become all they can be! My disciplining in a positive way, you will have a more joyful parenting experience where you and your kids are happier.
Let’s Start Talking and start 2018 off on the right foot!
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