walking on eggshells

do you feel as though you are walking on eggshells around you kids?  afraid that at any given moment your child might loose his/her cool and have one of those crazy, out of body melt downs?  feeling like you need to spend your days basically kowtowing to keep them happy?  if you feel this way entirely or even just every so often than i think what you’re about to read may be of some use for you and your family. 

when your children make you feel like you are walking on eggshells the main problem is that they are in charge.  somewhere along the line the person in charge switched from you to them.  once this happens all sense of control is out the door.  over time you realize things are all out of whack but you don’t really know when it all began or how.  you loose control in all regards and your children are controlling you!  when this happens you begin to feel as though you are walking on eggshells to keep them happy.  the trouble is that they won’t be happy with this type of arrangement.  they are actually yearning for you to be in control once again.  when you are in control they feel a sense of ease.  their anxiety goes down as i’ve mentioned in past blog posts such asin the article: Tough Love.  when a child knows your expectations than they know how to please you.  this is what makes children happy.  pleasing their parents and knowing that what they are doing is making you happy.  in turn they will be happy!  it’s a total win-win!

so, if you have found yourself tiptoeing around your kids.  wondering when they will implode.  hesitant to do or say much afraid you will upset them.  then it’s time for you to take the control back into your own hands.  in order to do this you will have to be willing to give 100%.  you can’t go at it in a wishy washy manner or the control will never become yours and the confusion within your kids will only be enhanced.  once you feel ready to begin changing the chaos and creating a relaxed household than here’s what you will need to do in a nutshell.

  • be firm, fair and consistent with EVERYTHING
  • have your rules in place and let your children know what they are (for example: if i have to ask you 3 times than you will have to go for some QUIET TIME or time out to think about your behaviour)
  • if they are sent for some quiet time you have to FOLLOW THROUGH!!  continue to take them back to their quiet time spot until they finally sit on their own.  this may take 5 minutes or 55 minutes, but STICK TO IT!! remain calm and firm while handling the situation.
  • what you say goes 100% of the time.  you can’t let some things go until they understand that there are no if, ands or buts! 
  • who cares if they have a meltdown because you said come and eat dinner or put your toys away.  HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE and DON’T BACKDOWN.  they can kick and scream and do whatever they need to get their frustration out.  let them do it, but don’t go back on your word. 
  • EVERYTHING big and small be firm, fair and consistent

These are just the nitty gritties of where to begin.  but, i will say that by following these guidelines and sticking to your guns with everything, your kids will quickly learn who is in charge.  they will gain respect for you and in return feel as though you respect them.  teaching them boundaries shows them that you care.  teaching them proper behaviour is making them a better human being!  yes, you love your kids but, by walking on eggshells around them you aren’t giving them the type of love they really need.  they need you to be their role model.  to show them right from wrong and to be there for them.  start making a change today and nip it in the bud!  i know you can do it.  it won’t be easy and you will feel as though they won’t like you or love you.  you will feel as though you are being too hard on them or that you should let them be.  but, in the end you will see it will better for the entire family! 

please let me know if you have any further questions or need any help!  good luck!!

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